I apologize for not writing sooner. The holidays were extremely busy and I had knee surgery just after Christmas. Everything went well and I am up and moving around again which is nice.
Last Saturday was the first meeting that I missed. I feel like it has been forever! We had a New Year's Eve party and it was a lot of fun. This holiday season was so much different than previous years. It was so nice to actually spend time with family and reconnect with friends after spending so much time isolated and disconnected. During the holidays I always spent a lot of my time gambling since I actually had time off from work. The thing that I am surprised about is that I did not miss the casino. When it crossed my mind I did not feel like I was missing something. I expected at this point in my recovery to start forgetting about how terrible gambling made my life, but I have not. That repulsed feeling still comes over me when thoughts of the casino cross my mind. I am very thankful for that. It has made recovery up to this point much easier.
Work is going crazy, we are moving our office before the end of the month. There are so many things going on, but I feel that all of this is helping me through recovery.
I hope you are all doing well and want to encourage anyone who is dealing with this horrible addiction. The one thing I want to convey is that it is so much better when you are looking back at the addiction, learning from your mistakes, and taking back control of your life. The financial benefits are already being realized. I still cannot believe all of the stress I put my family through. The only thing I can do now is change today and continue to hope for tomorrow. The past is what it is and I cannot go back and change it, but what I can do is prove to myself and others that I have the strength and good in me to become a better person. My relationship with God is tremendously important. It gives me the strength that I would not have on my own. The peace that I feel is having admitted my wrongs to him and he forgave me and only wants the best for me. I wish it was that easy with everyone else!
Well, I have been on the computer all day for work and to be honest with you, I am tired of looking at the screen!
I wish you the best in the New Year and please know that there are others out there who know what you are going through. You are not alone.
I'd just like to say thank you for posting your journey with gambling addiction. I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I am a compulsive gambler and want to stop the behavior before it completely ruins me.
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