20. Back from vacation

I am back from vacation and feel much better.  It is amazing what a little rest can do!  Vacationing is another side benefit to recovery!  We actually had the money to go on vacation.  We did not go anywhere warm or expensive, but it was sure nice to get away for a few days.

This morning we woke up to five inches of snow so I opted to work from home.  If the boss only knew how much more you get done when you work from home!  After a ten-hour day and a wonderful feeling of accomplishment it is time to kick back and relax.

I am anxiously looking forward to my Saturday GA meeting.  I miss everyone and cannot wait to hear how everyone is doing.

My recovery is still going extremely well.  No setbacks to date and I have yet to really have to fight any urges to go to the casino.  I still find myself considering the purchase of a scratch ticket or lottery ticket now and again, but have not allowed myself to do so since that still constitutes gambling.

Yesterday was frustrating.  Work went well, but when I came home there was a bill from a collection agency anxiously awaiting for me.  It was for two medical bills that for some reason or another my insurance did not pay.  One was from over five years ago and the other from two years ago.  They totaled over $6,000!  It was depressing to receive such an overwhelming bill and have it not be something do to my gambling.  Maybe it inadvertently was.  When I was gambling, I would receive bills in the mail and just throw them away without opening them.  I lived in total denial and never faced the consequences of "real life."  Last week our car was hit when we went to the movies, luckily we were there when it happened, but what a hassle.  Our other car broke down the week before so now we have two cars in the driveway that need repairs and one car that needs a cosmetic fix.  Sometimes life throws curve balls, even when you are on the right path.  It is frustrating.  When I opened the collection notice, a very brief thought passed through my mind.  It was the notorious "I could win the money at the casino!" and then the thought was gone.  Again, I was disgusted that it even crossed my mind.  Disgust is a great way to deal with the urges though!

Anyhow, other than money issues as always, life is going very well and I am so thankful every day.  What an absolutely amazing gift recovery is.  I will never regret the day I made the choice to quit gambling and truly acknowledge that I had a problem.  If I had not destroyed our finances by gambling, I would have been able to obtain a loan to pay off the collection bill.  Now I have to face the reality that they may try to garnish my wages, which is terrifying since we are spending a good percentage of our income paying off my debts.  If I had not gambled, I would have the money available to pay down the bill in a timely manner.

All I can do is pray about it and then contact the creditor with the hope that they will work with me.  There is nothing else that I can do and I have to be okay with that, even when it is scary.  I cannot go back to my old habit of avoiding anything I do not want to deal with.  It will only lead to more stress and a worse outcome.

With that said, I am off to spend time with my family.  I hope you are all doing well and with you the best!