21. Life, working through anxiety, and thankful for the good

As I mentioned in a previous post, our car was hit in a parking lot a few weeks ago. The damage was under $700, but barely. I am happy to say that we were able to work with the person who hit us and will have our car repaired soon. Our other two cars are still not running, but we hope a new radiator will fix at least one of them. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

I am working on stressing about the things I can change and leaving the things I have no control over to God. It is a great relief to let go of my problems and to trust in something greater to help me through it.

Since I deal with anxiety and depression issues often, there are many days where it is difficult to function and often times even get out of bed. This week has been one of those weeks. One week I feel fine, or even one day at a time, and then an overwhelming sense of depression kicks in and I just shut down. I worked from home a couple of days this week since I was plagued with migraines and exhaustion. I want so badly to control these emotions and physical reactions. The lack of control is frustrating. This is one of those things that I am focusing on in my recovery. Anxiety and depression can take so much away from your quality of life. It can also feed addiction. I know that if I do not find the tools to deal with the side effects, it will put me at risk for a relapse at some point.

The tools that I am trying out include the following:

Write down what is on your mind each day

Only spend a half hour to focus on the stressful issues 

Identify what is causing the anxiety

Write down what you can do to help the situation or identify the issues you cannot change

Once the list is written down, it is like downloading your brain.  I feel like I have a little more control over the situation. That feeling can go a long way. It also helps me to refocus and turn over the things I need help with to God. After that, this is where the hardest part kicks in - I have to stop focusing and getting worked up over the things I cannot change and let those thoughts just pass through instead of linger. 

The thing about anxiety is that your brain runs in circles, over and over, always evaluating worse-case scenarios. If we could take that energy and put that effort into making changes in our lives, think how far we could go! It is so logical on paper, but very difficult to practice.

The next thing I plan to do is start exercising again. My knee has almost completely healed from surgery and I am ready to get back into shape and feel better, it always helps with depression.  It is just hard to take that first step - kind of similar to seeking help for gambling.  Difficult to start, but you always feel better after you have done it.

If you search the web for ways to deal with anxiety, there are so many helpful ideas out there. The only reason I am writing about this is that I think many people who are compulsive and sometimes obsessive tend to also suffer through addiction. Maybe if we could work on the character flaws associated with those characteristics, we could also curb the negative impacts they have on our lives.

I also feel that people without anxiety or depression disorders still go through many of the same feelings and struggles, they just process them in healthier ways.

As I continue to find useful tools, I will share them with you in hopes that they will be helpful.

On an entirely different note, part of my looking at both the negatives and positives in life, I am thankful for the following:

Work is going well. It is always stressful and many times frustrating, but I am lucky to have my job. I am learning so many things every day and I know it is preparing me for even better things in the future.

The kids are doing well. My 14-year old keeps us very busy with select soccer. It is definitely an all consuming sport! Our social life is based around soccer and that's pretty much it.

Our youngest is almost turning four! She is an amazing gift and her hugs and love makes everything seem alright!

My husband is the most wonderful man in the world, he accepts my flaws, and is willing to work with me to get better. He is an amazing father too. There are no words to describe how lucky and grateful I am. I have tremendous respect for him and love his sarcastic sense of humor, and his never ending patience with our teenagers!  

The funny thing is, until I met him, I never truly thought you could be married and happy at the same time. I honestly thought that once you were married and the honeymoon period was over, that was it. I thought the excitement of marriage, having a family, being each other's best friend, and everything else always faded over time. That whole "half glass empty" theory. After meeting my husband I realized that life does not have to be that way, that you can be married and happy and that not everything good ends poorly. This should only prove the theory that wasting energy by focusing on what "could" happen, instead of enjoying what is right in front of you is senseless and useless.

I hope this post can help us all refocus our energies on the positive things in life and the things we can change! Tomorrow is a new day!