15. Survived the office move!

Well, it has definitely been a long week.  We moved the office Wednesday night.  That involved coming into work at 8:00 am and staying there until 5:00 am the next day!   Needless to say, I worked from home yesterday after a brief period of sleep.  Today included 10 hours straight of unpacking boxes and moving boxes - how fun. Now I think I need a week off!

The great thing is that all the exercise has really helped to reduce my stress levels.  It is amazing how much I feel better when I am up moving around instead of sitting at a desk all day.  My knee has almost entirely healed from surgery and it is great to finally start feeling better.

The best part of the move is that the last month has flown by so quickly that I have not even thought about the casino, which is a wonderful side effect.  I really do not think about it much anymore.  One of the things that has made recovery easier is playing games on Facebook, it is a great way to relax and take time for myself.  I am still watching how much time I spend on the computer.  The games are very addictive and can be very consuming if you let them be.  It is interesting to watch how I moved from a financially devastating addiction to another addiction that I enjoy just as much!  I never thought I could find something that I enjoyed as much as the casino. I am one of those people who has to be challenged and loves to compete and the games meet both of those interests.  Life is starting to balance out now.  The quality time with my family is wonderful now that I am not stressing about hiding how much I lost, how I was going to pay the bills, or trying to sneak away and get to the casino.  Each day I enjoy every moment I have with my family.

One of my girls is in select soccer so we are busy every weekend for most of the year.  Last weekend I missed my GA meeting since my daughter's soccer game was at the same time.  The week is not the same when I miss a meeting.  The meetings are my reminder to stay focused, continue to improve who I am, and to see the progress I have made since I started this journey.

I love how my life is now and will never go back to that horrible place I was in when I was gambling.  That life seems so long ago.  It is not part of my new life and I no longer miss it!  When I started this journey I thought it would be terrible in many ways.   I was sure that the urges would occur regularly and that nothing would bring me the excitement and "fun" that gambling did.  Recovery has been much easier than I thought.  So much of it is due to the wonderful, encouraging, and supportive people in my GA group.  Going to the meetings hold me accountable to someone other than myself though I know that if I were to relapse, they would be there to support and not judge me.  That fact alone keeps me coming back.  There is absolutely no one in the room who judges you if you make a mistake.  They completely understand and only want the best for you.  If someone slips it is a needed reminder that we could be there if we let our guard down for even a second.  One bet and we are back where we were before we started recovery.  It is so easy to think that you can go back and gamble like a normal person. I think that is the biggest deception of this illness.  The fact that we want so much to be able to go back to the way it was when we first started.  No one starts out with a gambling problem in the beginning.  As far as I know, it is something that sneaks up on you over time.  That is the scary thing.  Even if you could control your gambling for a while, eventually the addiction would come back and most likely it would be even worse than before.

One of the most important aspects of my recovery was admitting to myself that the money I lost was gone and that I would never be able to win it back.  Even if I did, I would end up spending it and more in the end.

I am so thanking for finding GA and for all of the people that continue to support me.  They are why my recovery is going so well and why I have so much hope and faith in the fact that I will beat this illness and continue to remain bet free.  With that, I can only say from my experience that it is so difficult to quit this addiction on your own.  Having others that truly know and understand the power that this addiction can have over you is what makes recovery possible.  It is knowing that they have been there and that you are not alone that enables recovery.

On that note, I am looking forward to my meeting tomorrow, even though I am utterly exhausted and would love to sleep in.  I know that as soon as I walk in my meeting I will be so happy that I did get up early. When I leave the meeting I feel centered and focused.  Everyone in the meeting remains in my thoughts and prayers all week and I feel energized and ready for the week.

Time to sign off and take a little "me" time!  Have a great weekend.