14. Quick post to say hi

I am checking in to say that everything is still going well.  Since our office at work is moving this week, it has been extremely crazy!  It has definitely left me with little to no time to think about gambling.

In the past, the stress would have driven me straight to the casino, but surprisingly, it does not seem appealing to me anymore.  I feel very lucky.  Thoughts of the casino still cross my mind, but that is all they do.  I do not allow myself to even let me thoughts go down that road.  It seems to work best when I acknowledge the thought, reflect on where I am now, and briefly remember where I was before.  I can definitely see where the deception of this disease comes in to play.  For me, I notice that the farther I am into my recovery, the more I have to remind myself that I absolutely cannot ever go to a casino.  It gets easier to think that I would never fall back into the destructive path that I was on before I quite gambling.  As soon as I realize that I even subconsciously consider the fact that I would be able to gamble like a "normal" person, I immediately put those thoughts in check.  All of this is self talk, but it definitely keeps me on track.  When I am honest with myself, I know that I would inevitably end back up right where I was before.  Going to GA is very helpful since it is that ongoing, consistent reminder that I do have a gambling addiction that will be with me the rest of my life.  That reminder is necessary.  I have yet to walk away from a meeting feeling worse than I did before I went.  It is so inspiring to look around the room and see how many people have gone well over a year without gambling.  That is where I want to be.  It has been over four months now since I went to my first GA meeting.  I know it may not sound like very long, but to a gambler who used to dread going a week without gambling, it is a substantial amount of time.  The best part is that I do not feel like I am missing out on something.  In the past I would be agitated and angry if I was not "allowed" to go gambling.  It is different this time because I will not allow myself to go even near a casino.  It still repulses me when I think about it.  The improvements in our finances is a daily reminder of how lucky I am to have found GA and sought help.  I cannot imagine how much worse things would have been if I had waited till now or a year from now.  Of course, I wish I sought help earlier, but sometimes I think you have to truly hit rock bottom or close to truly want help.  Had I not hit that point, I would have kept on gambling for as long as I could.

Anyhow, I just wanted to check in and say hi and let you all know that things are still going very well.  Now I need to get some sleep before a lovely 16-hour day tomorrow for the move --- uggghhh.

Have a wonderful week.